Did you ever have one of those moments where you just connected with someone and wanted to just spend time with them? Something they said rung true in your mind and you are drawn to this person on a deeper level than just the "Hi there? What's the good word?" kind of contact.
When that happened to me I just sort of curled up and wished really hard I could transport myself all the distance to just give them a huge hug and spend time with them. The thought of cuddling with another person struck a resonant chord, because after all this time I just wanted to feel that presence next to me, a person to share life and times with.
A person who understands what I am going through and is supportive.
So when this beautiful soul started talking about being tired of sleeping with no one and having no one around I immediately was like 'they are saying what I am feeling' - and that is a big difference It's like you have a magnet and metal, the closer you bring the two together the stronger the pull is. And when it gets really strong the jump happens. Forces pull the two together. When I saw what they were posting I was like 'I feel the same way!!' I reached out and offered as much soothing advice as I could.
It's a tough call this thing called human interaction. It's played by two people and it's really not fair for me to assume that this person would want to cuddle with me and chat over everything. I am projecting them feeling that they like me on them when they may not feel that way.
It's also reasonable to suppose that my feelings might not agree with what I imagine. The cuddling, human contact time is something we'd have to be able to easily share in order to move forward.
But is it wrong to want something, even though you'll probably never get it?
I look at it this way - it's not something I am so desperate that I will go to any extent to get it. Would I like it to happen? Definitely YES. But I have been a loner so long it's OK if it doesn't happen.
But there's part of me that's very sad - I want to share time and laughs with someone special. Curling up next to them, feeling the warmth of their body and the rhythm of their heart. The steady rush in and out of breath that is slow and measured, content to feel happy being with someone who admires and loves them. Someone who walks in the door and I've surprised them with flowers and a nice cooked meal. Someone special to be treated specially.
I feel I am waxing melancholy here, but the truth is, no matter how alone you think you can be, you can't (at least I can't) go it alone. Once you experience that joy it fires your mind in new directions, doing something for someone else and they just draw you into the deepest hug you can imagine. A merging of souls. Sweet lips press to your own and you are awash with golden light and stars. Breaths deepen as pulses quicken. Two bodies that act as one. The completion of the missing part of your heart.
Before I get too poetical or too raunchy :o) -- I just was trying to picture me in that role. It's very hard because the idea of cuddling is almost foreign to me. Coming home and seeing someone whom I can spill the days events to. Someone I can surprise and be surprised back. Someone who gets a thrill from touching my skin as I touch theirs. Someone who smiles and looks at me as attractive, even when I am not at my best. Someone who's not afraid to say 'I love you and I need you.' Someone who's an angel but can be a little devilish too.
I thought long and hard over this and I can't tell you how dreary it made me feel, and yet it wakened a sense of pride and longing in me. If one person, even if it is the remotest possibility, wanted me to share their life and we found the deepening sense of personal attraction, souls fitting together like pieces of a puzzle you never knew the full extent of, then that would be one more reason I need to carry on. I can't give up if there's even a ghost of a chance that I'll be able to find that special someone. And to just feel the affection of someone else who's leaning with you despite the distances involved, would be worth its weight in gold (preferably jewelry lol). I know it's probably always going to be a dream with me, but it's a pleasant dream.
As Muddy Waters said "I wants to be loved"
Until next time, fine readers... :)
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