Am I Beautiful?

Or am I grossly mistaken...?

I have certain aspects of my life that ARE beautiful and they surround me like the softest satin. My two best friends are so supremely beautiful, as friends, as a support group and always being honest with me. They build me up so much and if I didn't have them in my life, life would be so much more shallow. And hollow. And not worth a hoot.

Of course, there are others I know that are very precious to me, Cathy, Robin, Erica, Jamie, Lana and so many more. I have met so many on this confused journey across a sea of stars to find our place in this cosmos. I sense Carl Sagan zooming about, somewhere, in his 'Ship of the Imagination'. :)

But...am I beautiful?

Sure, as a person I see things one way... I treat people well, I respect life and dignity and I don't fault anyone else, even if they sometimes fault me. I just am here... I am awake to myself and I feel like after a cup of coffee, some warm homemade bread and a little chat we are all good again. Another night is over, a new day is dawning!

But as elusive as happiness can be, I often ask a question... how is it that others see me? As Robert Burns has said “Oh wad some power the giftie gie us To see oursel's as others see us! It wad frae monie a blunder free us, And foolish notion” In other words, should we be so foolish to see ourselves in one light and in reality we are something else?

Some look on Vivaldi as a great composer, some look on him as a red-headed priest. Some would say that Copernicus was a flailer at science, others would say he was a pinnacle of modern thinking. Newton may have never had an apple fall on his head, but such aspirations led him to carve the light of modern science. And there are so, so, many more...

So, let's get back to the basic formula... Me=Beautiful? Is this a true or false statement?

Let's attack this logically one step at a time:
Do I see myself as beautiful when I am out en femme? TRUE
Do I feel more open and happy with myself? TRUE
Am I ashamed of how I have grown (with support from my wonderful friends)? FALSE
Am I uncertain of the future? TRUE
Do I feel dichotomous at times, like living in two existences is wont to do? TRUE
As the sun crosses the sky, will Samantha appear again? TRUE
Would you let others feelings about you restrain you or hold you in? FALSE

...although analyzing the last sentence has aspects of truth and falsehood in it. I feel like I want to say it is FALSE, FALSE, FALSE... but a tiny gnawing section of me says it might be TRUE. After all, who wants to be made fun of and gawked at out in public as if they are a joke? Certainly not I! And certainly my friends I would never tolerate that either! After all, this is about ALL of us, right?

It's a pale light and an eldritch life that stretches afore us,
like so many pallid dreams of what is to come;
and should we dream, or dare, desire of higher things,
we will face the oncoming onslaught of the gun.

Some opulent moment can be defined:

Some opulence is wrought in silver
and some is wrought in gold
we seek out support on a journey
and we desire a hand to hold!

Future's break and future's decide our fate
-- is it too late?
Perhaps it can be, will be, should be
--but it's not to late for me!

As golden hair spills from the temple
as delightful earrings pull to the ground
we should never despair...
for we are wholesome all around!

Past indiscretion and past discretion include
--what will not intrude?
And what will the silent night show us
--we are worthy of that trust!

So opulence should be what we show it to be
and what we would feel it should say
Is there life beyond this de rigeur?
And should it appear as bright as day?

Hearts wrought of silver and not of gold
--are plain as we see them - behold!
Hearts wrought of gold are so much more
--they are where the love is wanted for!

OK so as you go forward with your beliefs, prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine...

~Sammie