Those Shoes...

Who doesn't love a new pair of shoes? Or maybe two? OK how about SIX?

Don Henley said it best when he said "What you gonna do with those shoes". I have some with those pretty little straps around my ankles. So what about those those x 6?

Over the past little bit I have been questioning ... a lot! But something always reigns me in, be it the voice of my friends or other avenues I seek, creativity and understanding are among them?

Has anyone heard about 'Princess Boy', the young child that wants to dress up like a girl and his mother lets him? She wrote a book about it. I have to ask this: many are angry she did this, they feel she is exploiting him and letting him be a target for future hateful/cruel remarks. What do you think?

For the record, what exactly does that have to do with my shoes? Well, twofold arguments can be made. First is the child's mom to blame if she does something most parents fail to do: she supports and tries to understand her child! She gets some merit in my book for that.

And if she, or indeed anyone who isn't expecting me to be transgendered would be surprised I am buying heels and women's shoes. Including a nice, comfy, pair of androgynous sneakers. I have hid and nibbled about for about 25 years. I have needs that I can't get off the Internet or from TV/movies.

It's about what gives you those thrills. Understand I am not in this for some sexual thrill. I am in this (and it is tough to be in but so, so satisfying when you are complete) to share something other than what we need, what we are looking for so, so, so bad.

My parents, I think, were born in the Middle Ages and have made numerous but pointed remarks about how they don't understand TG folks and what's more they think they are rejects.

I am that reject they can't open their minds too.

So why do I do it? It is because I am a rebel? Hmmmm maybe, but I know, deep-down, it is something else...

I want to feel accepted and whole. Not an outsider looking in and wondering what it would be like to be warm, remembered, not long-forgotten. I'd just like to look and feel ACCEPTED. That's all.

Is it wrong to want to feel like you belong...? Or to feel you are part of a greater whole? I sense a lot of doubt in my mind that it is, or ever will be, acceptable to take something sacred, like life and humanity, and reduce it to vulgar representations of what we should be, what others think we should be.

If I wear heels and nylons, skirts and eye shadow, should I be looked at any differently than you? After all, I also slide on jeans and a shirt. I just want to feel accepted, able and allowed into society. What does it matter if I prefer pantyhose over socks? If I like woman's shoes and heels over something male and plodding? If I want to feel a little more like how I want to feel when I am dressed up and out? I am not out to seek some favors or pass myself as something I am not. I am just your average, everyday girl who wants to be accepted as just being your average, everyday girl!

So with that we come to the age-old question... who is right and who is wrong. Am I wrong? If I am then I guess I don't want to be right, because my dear and wonderful friends have made me feel so uplifted, like I belong!! There's nothing more satisfying than that.

Belonging is the beginning of much of our truest and hugest greatness.

It's time to belong and also time to be great. Live life as you have imagined as Thoreau said. It's time we opened that avenue and expressed ourselves as we would want.