Feelings Change Course!

A short while ago I posted how I was missing something in my life, something I admitted was gone. Something never to be seen again. I didn't know what I was missing, I knew there was something that wasn't there. I filled my life with writing, music and dressing up and feeling that I was the mistress of my own destiny. I was the Queen of my own ship.

My how things change. In the last few weeks I became acquainted with a woman of incredible smarts and beauty and she changed my world. I wasn't that reclusive outcast anymore. I was pulled into a reality that showed me being better than who I thought I was.

My girl infatuates me. She writes to me as I would write to me. She showers me with sweet thoughts and compliments. She makes me feel beautiful and special no matter what. It's the kind of life I had only dreamed of before, yet that flower is blossoming.

I am her 'butterfly' and yesterday as I came home I was startled when I saw a small, bright moving shape out of the corner of my eye. I was startled for a moment but I smiled as I saw what it was, a bright and tender little yellow butterfly. I immediately thought of my girl and how she had made me happy whenever we write or talk and I thought "she sent me a butterfly when I needed it to remind me that I am her butterfly." It was a translational moment for me.

Of course my Princess deserves all the kudos, she worked me out from being a rather depressing, self-centered girl to being one who has unlimited boundaries. She calls me beautiful and sends kisses my way. I realize I only reflect the beauty in her soul and words, and I send kisses and music her way. We share a common bond, we know what makes each other happy and that is a wonderful thing.

I have known for a while that I would either pass away a spinster or that special someone who ride into my life, adorned as a Princess and Angel, who would love me for all my faults and frailty of beauty and forgive me should I not be 'full-time'. She would sweep me off my feet as I had swept her and I would be one with her heart just based on the words and comfort we have shared. After all, we have both been demonized by genetic gender and we both long to rip that shroud off, roll the obstacles away, and emerge and true ladies, fair of spirit and sweet of heart. I never thought I would find her.

I did.

My pulse pounds as my keys do typing this... thinking of her fills me with warm joys and joyous thoughts. I feel drawn to her like a moth to her flame, like a bee to her flower, like a butterfly to her orchid, like a small planetoid to her beautiful nebula. She has spread her gossamer beauty into my life, radiating my cheeks and my spirit, uplifting who I am and how I feel. She is a special Angel to me. She has saved me from giving up on love, femininity and the hope for the future.

I will continue to write her poetry and music as long as she lets me. But the fears of finding someone who can accept me as I am is lessened when I realize that she admires, embraces and loves that I am that part trans. She cannot wait to shower me with kisses and hugs and I can't wait to shower her with mine. She's made a different woman emerge these days that loves her friends so much more because this love that pours into me is so beautiful. I don't want to know love if her love is not the sign that my life has finally found a wonderful direction. She is my vast candle that lights me forward, even still slowly, but a guiding light nonetheless. She is my prettiest light and love.

And she has saved my feminine soul!!