This will not be a 'usual' blog for me and it's not going to be a short romp, so please bear with me as I wind around a few ideas, etc. I may come to a point....eventually :)
First I'm going to give big huge get well wishes to Stephanie. Get well soon -- we're pulling for you!!
Well last weekend was awful, for me, because I came down with a nasty cold. Sniffly, coughy, you-name-it. Of course it would wait until...ahem "spring" to rear it's ugly head. No cold all winter. I guess it's just payback for dodging one this long... :D
So fighting off this nasty thing gave me more time in bed, resting and more time to examine and contemplate the back of my eyelids LOL I didn't really come to any decisions while I was swooning through the Kleenex aisle, but as I started to get better I thought more about transitioning and what it means to me.
So later on in the week I continued down the road of recovery, picking out items I wanted to wear if I got some me time this weekend and felt up to it (so far, so good in that department!). As I rested up, I felt myself asking the question, what does transition mean to me and what does it have to mean?
I am not going to lay claims of profound knowledge here but instead to share some thoughts and learn from your thoughts as well. After all, that's what life is about, sharing the bounty of knowledge to make us all better people!
So as I spent more time resting up in bed and (happily) running to the faucet for more water (as opposed to the kleenex box!) and sitting thinking about nature, the Universe and my place in it. Yeah, nice light, airy thoughts for under the covers sniffling and coughing, right? :) I am a dreamer sometimes and an admirer of what is out there, far out sometimes. So I got caught up on some astronomy news and just enjoyed the delights of the Universe.
I had a bit of a fever I know, and that made me wake a couple of times sweating. But that wasn't anything like what was to come...
Thursday morning (OK real EARLY morning) I had a very different sort of dream, very vivid because it felt so real and this time I woke up in a sweat, it wasn't because my fever had broken!
I was in a house, not sure where, sitting on a couch talking to what I am guessing was my love interest. I became immediately aware I had long darkish hair over my shoulders and I was wearing a black skirt with lace on the outside in graceful layers and a dark green or purple velour top, much like a 'Baroque' top. I had fingerless lace gloves on too. I was just immediately aware I was not a male dressed up, I was a female.
I remember talking about being guided by a spirit (Native Americans have Spirits that guide them, though I don't have any heritage in me, I feel that I can believe in that because it makes a lot of sense to me) and I was talking about it. I was sitting cross-legged on the couch and facing who I was speaking to (not sure who it was, not anyone I know). I talked about my guide and how my Spirit would communicate with me. They asked me questions about it, showing interest and how I came to 'meet' my Spirit. It was deep and profound. And it felt so very real!
I suppose it was bizarre not because it wasn't much of a action-packed dream, there was no romance in it, but I remember that the person I was talking to but they put their hand gently on my upper arm in the dream and I woke up with a start. I was lying in a cold sweat, head to toe, awash with how very real the dream had seemed to be. I was immediately saddened because I felt so comfortable, so free, so very much at ease with myself as a woman. I didn't feel the least bit awkward.
But it came to me later that day that I was dressed up differently, I was dressed up more in Goth than I ever have in real life. I became intrigued. I resolved that there was one person who could tell me I was perhaps smoking something illegal and to forget it.
Of course, everyone knows the Queen of Goth, Sophia.
I came home and chatted and she jumped on. I needed to ask her so I did. I needed to know if I was way out there or whether some part of me was more Goth than I realized.
Sophia immediately helped, wonderful friend that she is. She took the time to ask me about what sorts of things I was thinking about and what sort of look might work for me. I was floored because I half expected 'it's not for you, it's going to set you back'.
I'm not talking Elvira here or some kind of Marilyn Manson type of 'shock-goth' (is that a term?). I refer more to the sort of pristine Victorian ladies dresses and attire, more formal than most of what goes on nowadays. Not to say that I couldn't dress down but it's sort of what I was leaning towards.
With her kindness and wonderful time spent with me, she immediately made me feel like I wasn't mistaken and my dream wasn't fading off in the harsh, cold light of reality. Sophia is truly remarkable, she reaches out and holds true to her friends and beliefs, which is why it was so easy to talk one-on-one with her. Her thoughts were those of a dear friend and she made me believe in and trust in myself, simply because she was there and she wanted to help.
Sophia you are so sweet to have spent that time with me. I hope it made you feel happy, because you sure made me feel better about myself and happy with my goals. You made a poor, sick sister feel better about herself and the world around her!
Until next time...
